Health Anxiety After a Perinatal Stroke Diagnosis
Chapter 5
How to navigate the whirlwind of worry while caring for a medically fragile child
The Hidden Weight of Motherhood Anxiety
Becoming a mom unleashes a level of anxiety that few women expect and even fewer feel prepared for. Research from the Journal of Reproductive and Infant Psychology shows that one in five new mothers experiences clinically significant anxiety symptoms in the first postpartum year, often tied to concerns about their baby’s health, sleep, or development. For many, this anxiety is magnified by sleep deprivation, hormonal shifts, and the mental load of motherhood.
During the first couple of years, especially before a child can verbalize their needs, every cough, rash, or fever can feel like an emergency. Even minor health issues, which are most often “just nothing,” can spark overwhelming stress in a sleep-deprived parent. Now layer on a perinatal stroke diagnosis during the newborn phase, and you have the perfect storm for chronic health anxiety.
My Own Story: Olive’s Diagnosis and the Aftermath
When my daughter Olive came home from the NICU after her perinatal stroke diagnosis, I was flooded with thoughts: intense, anxious, depressing, and overwhelming ones about her health and future. Every scenario my mind could spin felt heavy and terrifying: What if she never walks normally? What if her hand is always weak? What if seizures return? Will she have developmental delays her whole life? The sheer volume of “what ifs” could have easily taken over my days.
But somehow, in the middle of all that noise, I was able to see something important: those thoughts were not meaningful or real. They weren’t truths about Olive’s future. They were just stories my anxious brain was telling me. That realization gave me a surprising sense of calm, even during one of the most traumatic and exhausting times of my life.
I know this isn’t the case for every mom. For many, that clarity and separation never comes so easily. The thoughts felt so real. Urgent, heavy, and all-consuming. When you’re caught up in them, it truly seems impossible to find your way out, and that’s why health anxiety can feel endless. I don’t know why I was gifted those moments of calm, but I’m grateful for them. It wasn’t constant. There were plenty of days when the anxious stories pulled me in, but somehow, I always found my way back to a little bit of clarity underneath it all. And that clarity reminded me that peace was never gone, just hidden for a while.
Looking back, I realize that I’ve always had a tendency to become calm under stress. Before motherhood, I worked as a ski patroller. In that role, I often found myself in situations where a patient’s life was on the line. My mind would narrow, my body would steady, and I would get laser-focused on the task in front of me. I suppose that skill set transferred over to my own child. When Olive’s diagnosis brought chaos and uncertainty, my nervous system fell back on what it knew: quiet focus.
Moms as Everyday Superheroes
It’s no exaggeration to say that moms are superheroes… especially during the first six months of a baby’s life. Studies show that new mothers perform an average of 14 caregiving “tasks” per hour during the newborn phase. They manage feedings, soothe cries, juggle appointments, and maintain households, all while their own bodies are recovering.
When a baby gets sick, it’s extremely challenging not to panic. For most moms, those illnesses are short-lived: a fever breaks, an ear infection clears, and the anxiety slowly dissipates. But for “medical moms”, those caring for children with chronic or serious conditions like a perinatal stroke, the anxiety rarely fades. It settles in and carves out a little space in the already overwhelming mental load of motherhood.
That constant hum of worry; the “what ifs” and “but what abouts” become background noise to everyday life. And for many, it’s not just noise; it’s an exhausting, ever-present drain.
The Endless Questions Health Anxiety Brings
Mothers of medically fragile children often report a unique set of fears. A 2022 study in Maternal and Child Health Journal found that over 60% of mothers of children with chronic conditions experience persistent health-related anxiety well beyond the infant stage.
The questions that health anxiety produces can feel endless:
- What if she has another stroke tomorrow?
- What if I miss a seizure and she doesn’t wake up?
- What if a minor fall leads to permanent damage?
- What if she can’t keep up with her classmates, and everyone notices but her?
- What if this affects her ability to drive someday, or get a job, or live independently?
- What if my next child has something even worse?
- What if this one rare diagnosis is just the beginning of a lifetime of rare diagnoses?
- What if I don’t handle the challenges well, and she suffers because of me?
If you’ve lived with health anxiety, you know how quickly the spiral escalates from the immediate present into a catastrophic imagined future. These questions don’t just visit occasionally. They often loop endlessly, keeping moms awake at night and stealing the joy of ordinary moments.
A New Way of Seeing Thoughts
For me, there came a turning point after reading the work of Dr. Amy Johnson. She helped me realize I didn’t have to fight my thoughts, fix them, or make them disappear in order to feel better. They weren’t evidence of the future or who I was as a mom. They were simply passing mental events. My mind was just doing what all minds do.
When I stumbled upon Amy Johnson’s work related to The 3 Principles, I finally had words for what I had been glimpsing. Amy explains that our experience is created from thought in the moment. That thoughts are temporary, meaningless, and they are not us. They don’t say anything about the person we truly are, and they are not truths. That insight changed everything.
I didn’t need to control the content of my thoughts (which was impossible). I needed to see them for what they were: clouds passing through the sky of my mind. Some were dark and heavy, some light and fleeting, but none were permanent or meaningful. And none could define me or my daughter’s future.
Practical Tips for Moms with Health Anxiety
After reading many of Amy Johnson’s books, I felt like I had a toolbox of insights that helped me finally see my thoughts and feelings for what they were… temporary, harmless waves of experience rather than problems to fix or control. And that shift became the foundation for how I now approach health anxiety as a mom. If you’ve ever found yourself spiraling after a symptom or Googling every possible cause at 2 a.m., these are the gentle reminders that have helped me most…
- Notice the Nature of Thought, Not the Content. When the “what ifs” show up, don’t wrestle with each scenario. Instead, remind yourself, This is just thought at work. Thoughts are never permanent and it will pass eventually. Shifting attention from the story to the fact it’s a thought instantly loosens its grip.
- Stop Arguing With Your Mind. The more we try to reason with anxious thoughts (“That probably won’t happen”), the more persistent they become. Allowing thoughts to be there without resistance often makes them pass more quickly.
- Return to the Present Moment. Anxiety is almost always about the future. Gently bring your attention back to what is happening now. Reality in this moment is rarely as scary as the imagined future.
- Trust in Your Built-In Resilience. Amy emphasizes that we are designed to return to balance. Just as our bodies heal from a cut, our minds naturally settle when we stop interfering. You don’t have to create calm—you only need to allow it to return.
- Remember Thoughts Are Temporary Visitors. Every single thought you’ve ever had, no matter how dramatic, has eventually left. This one will too. That truth makes them easier to sit with until they pass.
At Our Core
At our core, beneath the swirling thoughts and stories, we are already equipped with resilience, peace, and clarity. That doesn’t disappear when something scary happens to our child. It’s still there, waiting to be tapped into.
The teachings of The 3 Principles gave me language for what I had glimpsed during my early days with Olive: that peace is our default state. The thoughts that cloud it are temporary.
Conclusion: You’re Not Alone, and You’re Not Broken
Health anxiety after a perinatal stroke diagnosis is not a sign of weakness or poor coping. It’s a natural response to an overwhelming experience. But it doesn’t have to define your motherhood journey.
By learning to see your thoughts for what they are- fleeting mental events, not truths, you can loosen the grip of worry and begin to live more fully in the present with your child. That shift doesn’t erase your challenges, but it makes them more navigable.
You are already stronger than you know. You’ve weathered NICUs, diagnoses, sleepless nights, and endless appointments. You are a superhero mom, even on the days you feel anything but.
