Life After A Perinatal Stroke: The Preschool Years
Chapter 4
When Olive entered the 3–5 age range, life shifted in ways I had long hoped it would. The foggy, exhausting “baby and toddler land” finally began to clear, and with it came a new rhythm to our days. She could communicate more, play more independently, and share her bright personality with the world in ways that felt easier for all of us. But while some things got easier, new layers of challenges appeared. Small things that most people never think twice about.
Everyday Challenges
At daycare, Olive’s class would often head out on outdoor adventures, climbing and exploring. Most kids would scurry up the rock wall without hesitation, but Olive would come home in tears, crushed by the fact that she couldn’t climb like the others. I could see how badly she wanted to, and it hurt me to know her body sometimes stood in the way of her determination.
The same was true in little everyday skills. Putting on shoes was late to come, and even now she still struggles to dress herself without help. Something as small as making the Taylor Swift heart with her hands took weeks of practice and daily effort to get her fingers to cooperate in just the right way. For many kids, these things are natural and automatic; for Olive, they require repetition, patience, and persistence.
Persistence as Her Superpower
The persistence, though, that’s her superpower. When Olive sets her mind to something, she does not give up. It may take her weeks or months, but she refuses to back down. I admire that about her deeply. Watching her chip away at challenges with quiet determination has taught me more about perseverance than any motivational book ever could.
Of course, I’m not perfect. Sometimes I catch myself feeling frustrated when I see her two-year-old sister catching on to things like getting dressed on her own, while Olive still struggles at five and a half. But I snap out of it quickly. It’s not a comparison game. It’s my job to give her the extra time she needs and to keep helping her strengthen her hand through practice, exposure, and encouragement. That’s where my energy belongs. Still, it can be hard as she grows older, because she is so bright and capable in so many areas of life. In those rushed moments, like when we’re trying to get out the door and she’s stuck on her shirt—I sometimes forget and let impatience creep in. Then I remind myself: her pace is different, not lesser, and it’s my role to meet her where she is.
Inspiration in the Everyday
What has surprised me most during these years is how exciting and inspiring it is to watch her work through these obstacles. My husband, who loves to climb, has spent hours coaching her on the rock wall, helping her build strength and confidence. Slowly but surely, she’s gotten higher, her determination written all over her face.
Even the smallest victories feel monumental. This year, Olive worked so hard just to hold a piece of paper steady so she could cut with her right hand in preparation for kindergarten. Fine motor tasks like a pointer grasp or isolating individual fingers don’t come naturally, but watching her keep at it until she succeeds is nothing short of incredible. Her grit turns the ordinary into something extraordinary.
Swimming: Our Current Mountain
Right now, our biggest hurdle is swimming. Olive doesn’t love the water and is fearful of it, likely because her weaker arm and hand make her feel less in control. We tried group lessons, but those ended in tears and frustration. Private lessons worked better, giving her the chance to move at her own pace with extra support.
If we had access to ISR (Infant Swimming Resource), I would have enrolled her without hesitation years ago. But in our tiny mountain town, options are limited. We don’t have many pools, let alone specialized swim coaches. I know it will take years, not weeks, for her to feel truly confident in the water. I’m trying to be patient and remember she’ll learn in her own time.
But swimming is one of those safety-focused life skills that weighs heavily on me. I long for the day I can relax at the pool while both my girls splash around safely, without me hovering like a hawk. Until then, I’ll keep showing up for Olive; finding ways to practice, encouraging her persistence, and trusting that one day, just like the Taylor Swift heart and the shoes, she’ll get there.
